Geordi’s Confession

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Geordi’s Confession

Geordi wondered if it was time to confess.
Thanks to a Romulan experiment that had blown up in their faces, he and Ensign Ro had almost lost their lives. Or been doomed to roam the galaxy with only each other for company.
But he didn’t want to reveal himself to Counselor Troi, explain how scared he’d been. He didn’t want to pour out his soul to Guinan. No, what haunted his waking thoughts as well as his dreams had been the look on Data’s face when the android had said, “Geordi. It is good to see you.” Geordi had put a comradely hand on Data’s shoulder and that touch had seemed to bind them together. Not in some out there way, but in the very practical world of his VISOR. What he’d seen through the device when he’d looked at Data standing so close to him was a blending of the energies that made them. His hand had all but disappeared into the aura that surrounded Data and he’d thought, We’re one. Or should be.
He wanted to confess to Data that he was thinking about him. That He’d been doing little else in his free moments since Data had fallen into a relationship with another officer. And then fallen back out of it. The hardest part of that whole business, at least from Geordi’s perspective, had been Data coming to him and asking him for advice. Geordi had been flummoxed, not because Data was thinking about dating but because Data hadn’t approached him and suggested they try it.
And, yes, it had been almost a year since Data’s extremely short term experiment. So, why hadn’t Geordi gone to him and confessed his feelings?
“Hell” he muttered as he walked around the Holodeck forest, “I don’t know.” This was where he came to think, to plan, and to vent his frustration. It was largely where he spent his evenings when he wasn’t losing to Data at chess. This particular forest had seen many of his anguished moments when he lost another potential girlfriend.
And that was why he’d never confessed to Data; he was afraid his friend would turn him down. Gently, and with all the care Data possessed, he would say, “In the parlance of the early twenty-first century, I am straight.”
Geordi wasn’t. He was bisexual, or so he’d always thought of himself. Just lately, only one gender had featured in his dreams and lonely bed play.
“Data,” he whispered the name aloud.”
“I did not think your hearing was superhuman,” said a mellow voice from behind him.
Geordi turned and felt a flush start in his cheeks. Data would surely see it even if it wasn’t apparent to anyone else. He tried to smile. “I didn’t. I was just thinking aloud.”
His friend, his best friend, closed the distance. “The computer told me you were here.”
“Oh.” Geordi had no idea what to say.
“You seem to be in distress. May I help?”
He wondered what sort of indicators he was giving off. Well, screw it. He couldn’t control his body’s reaction. But, hell, did that mean Data could see the blood flowing south to his groin?
He decided Data probably could see it and that the time for hiding was over. Besides, the only time to really hide was when you and the other person weren’t on the same side. “Data, I need to tell you something.”
Maybe he looked even more off balance than he felt because Data put a hand on his shoulder. Geordi considered the idea that Data had initiated physical contact because he’d seen Geordi do it. If so, it only demonstrated that Data was a fast learner.
“What is wrong?”
Oh, but he loved the concern in Data’s voice, the gentle worry that he couldn’t quite feel but that he’d taught himself to emulate, especially when dealing with Geordi.
“Data, I…” Words failed him. He went against years of conditioning, of failed relationships, and closed the distance between them. He needed Data to know exactly how he felt and he couldn’t imagine burying it again because he lacked such a meager thing as words. He kissed Data’s cheek.
Data stood completely still for an endless moment. Then he turned his head and met Geordi’s lips with his own.
Oh, please, don’t let this be a dream.
Wrapping his arms around Data’s neck, Geordi opened his mouth. Then he realized Data might only be giving him what he thought Geordi needed. Drawing back, no matter how hard it was, he met Data’s gaze. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
Data traced his own lips with two fingers as if savoring the sensation. And he made one of those intuitive leaps that always made Geordi think he was more human than machine. “Why did you never tell me? Why did you allow me to date someone else?”
“Because I’m ashamed.” Data’s arms were still around his waist and he luxuriated in their feel.
“I thought embarrassment about not fitting into heteronormative strictures no longer existed in most human societies, particularly not among those in Starfleet. Were you not raised aboard different starships?”
He chuckled. “yes, I was. And it’s not shame about being bisexual. I was worried that you wouldn’t want me. That you’re heterosexual.”
“I was built to be fully functional,” Data said, his tone slightly chiding. “There is nothing ‘fully functional’ about only being built to please one gender.”
Geordi laughed. Data certainly had him there.
“Are you attracted to me?” Data asked, curious as ever.
“Very much so.”
Data swept Geordi off his feet and started carrying him toward the Holodeck exit. “Then perhaps we should explore this.”
Geordi wriggled free, standing on his own again. “Data, this wouldn’t be an experiment. At least not for me. I’ve wanted you for years. And I don’t want you to jump into this because it’s a new venture for you. I want you because you’re interested in me. Not as an experiment,” he repeated. “Do you understand the difference?”
Data nodded and now he looked, if possible, guilty. “I do not have feelings, Geordi. Perhaps this is not wise.”
“Why did you pick me up?” Geordi asked, his voice soft. Every time Data spoke of not having emotions, it pulled at Geordi’s heartstrings.
”it is a romantic gesture.”
Geordi nodded. “And you kissed me because…”
“Because you seemed to need it. And because romance often grows from friendship.”
“That’s enough for me.” geordi took Data’s hand. “You’re caring and you’re honest. When you told Worf that you learned friendship from me? I was there. I heard. And I wanted so badly to kiss you and let you know I’m still alive. Data, the only thing that scares me is this: would you know if you were discontent with our relationship?”
Data nodded. “I always knew when I did not enjoy the company of others who taunted me. I believe it would be an extension of that knowing.” He squeezed Geordi’s hand lightly. “But would it not bother you that I have many things on my mind? Or that I did not fall asleep after we made love?”
Geordi was caught by that last phrase. “You didn’t call it having sex. Why?”
“I would not wish to merely ‘have sex’ with my best friend. If you love me, even knowing that I cannot return that love, then I wish to call it ‘making love.’” He looked unsure. “Is that wrong?”
“Absolutely not.” And Geordi kissed him again. He stepped back after a moment, relishing the taste of Data’s mouth. “I don’t know if I love you yet. This is new. But I want a chance to try.” Then he grinned. “And even though you can’t pick me up when we’re working, I’d love to feel your arms around me right now.”
Data scooped him up effortlessly. “Would you like to explore in your quarters or mine?”